I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
