I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
