A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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