i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
