Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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