I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
