I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
