When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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