While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
