Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
