Plan B is the new Plan A
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
