I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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