He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
