Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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