so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
