I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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