After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
