I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
