Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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