I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
