i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
