i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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