your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
