I'm really into asian looking animals
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
