weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
