okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
