The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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