Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
