In the future we'll all be gay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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