I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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