Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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