my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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