I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
