dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
