maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
