I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
