do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
