drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
