just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
zippers are such a cool invention
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
