Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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