he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
