I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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