don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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