dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
