Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
