i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How naked do you want me to be?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
