Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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