I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
