so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
