I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
