Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
