It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
