i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
